It’s late Sunday night, and the next morning’s Patreon drop just isn’t where I want it to be creatively. I’ve got to get up the next morning at 4:30 to get the drop done before heading to my day job before sunrise. That’s when the self-doubt creeps in the most–when I’m tired, vulnerable and alone with my thoughts:
“What’s the point when no one’s liked or commented on your post in days?”
“Who’s going to notice if you get a little more sleep tonight, delivering new content sometime later?”
“Are you even the right person to deliver this information anyhow? Surely there are more experienced GMs/educators/mental-health advocates out there…”
Despite these voices, I soldier on. I click “Upload” on my Patreon account, I share it on social media and then I wait. It often feels like I’m speaking into a void, wondering if anyone hears me. In these silent moments, a question arises, “Why are you even doing this?”
The Parallel
You may not have experience on Patreon, but if you’ve ever been a Game Master (GM), I’m almost certain that you’ve spent time, energy and passion on an area of the map or an NPC that makes you proud that your players choose to skip altogether. Maybe you’ve fleshed out an entire town with vibrant characters and plot hooks, and your players choose to cut through the mysterious woods instead. That’s a risk we take as content creators.
You may prepare moments of beauty or meaning, but there’s never a guarantee that that preparation will pay off. We invest our emotions in possibilities, but they always remain that–not certainties.
What It Means to Build in the Dark
Building in the dark is an essential step before–sometimes long before–the payoff of audience affirmation. In the dark, there’s no applause to affirm what you’re doing. There’s no feedback from fans in the dark, so you’re always wondering, “Is this really going to connect?” The only visible progress you see in the dark is the amount of what you’re creating piling up. But what’s the use of an unexplored pile? Is it just the tree falling in the woods with no one around, with an unheard sound that remains irrelevant?
Building in the dark is a season of faith, not metrics. You’ve got to believe that if you’re passionate enough to spend hours, days and weeks on creative content, someone out there is passionate about consuming that content. It’s in this darkness that the creator needs both patience and trust on their creative compass. How does one learn patience?
Hold on. I’ll tell you later. (That’s a dad joke.)
The One Who Needs It
Something I’ve heard in several writing classes is that when you write, you imagine that ideal one person for whom you’re writing. It could be a past version of yourself that you wish had known key ideas, it could be a friend you know would be just as passionate about what you’re saying, or it could be a hypothetical person whose pain point can be directly addressed by your words.
As a GM, maybe you prepare for the quietest player at the table. As a content creator, perhaps you’re crafting one d20 table that gives a stressed teacher a breakthrough. The one person I write for shares my passion for storytelling, has experienced its transformative power, and wants to use that tool to empower the most vulnerable person at the gaming table. Even if no one sees the bulk of my content for GMs (or your prepared content for Saturday’s game), someone may need that one part that resonates most with them. That incentivizes us both to keep creating.
The Unseen Skillset We’re Growing
As content creators, you and I are both growing skills that can most certainly pay off in the future.
First, we’re finding clarity in each documented idea. In creating regular content, you find your tone and rhythm when no one else is watching. Imagine how intimidating it would be if you started out creating and the entire world’s eyes were watching you. Talk about stressful! Instead, you’ve got a playground to try out your ideas where few, if any, are there to judge them. That can be freeing if you reframe the radio silence.
There’s something to be said about building resilience–about finding that endurance that propels you to work through the exhaustion, self-doubt and hundreds of distractions that are bound to pop up. When you learn to create in the absence of applause, you’re even more equipped to endure the demand of a large audience. In a culture of instant gratification, endurance is one of those things we try to avoid. When we lean directly into it, though, our audience is more prone to follow. They’ll invest more in a voice they know they can rely on.
You’ve probably heard me use the E-word quite a lot, but it really is everything in learning to live purposefully. When you slog away in the darkness, you’re growing your empathy muscles because there’s no one there to give feedback. The only way you can effectively write content that resonates when you don’t have a built-in audience is that you imagine your audience. You consider the passions, motivations and other details that make that person an ideal consumer of your content. You imagine the person on the other side who might be changed. That takes empathy, and it grows each time you write for the imagined “one who needs it.”
Lighting the Torch Anyway
When you create content that’s meaningful to you, every post, every session, and every tool becomes a light that someone might one day find. The darkness may feel oppressive now, but the content you create is the best tool for staving it off in the future. As content creators, we carry the flame, even when there’s no one around to warm their hands yet. Though creating visibility is key to finding your audience, creating content isn’t about building a spotlight directly pointed on me. It’s about being ready when the audience arrives.
Fellow Builders, You’re Not Alone
To the weary GMs, Patreon creators, and silent makers, you’re not alone. If you find yourself building in the dark, you’re not behind. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re in a sacred, reflective space in the silence.
Keep creating. Keep building. The audience is coming, sooner or later. The thing you can control now is the quality and the abundance of your content.
